Coolers

I have a cooler made by Thermos.

I never use it.

I don't know if I'm supposed to put hot thinks or cold things in there. I'm always worried that if I put in cold things they will get heated up and go bad.

Rejected Guitar Hero Imitations

If anyone is thinking of making an interactive video game like guitar hero, but nothing like guitar hero, here some ideas you should stay away from:

Sitar Hero
Clarinet Hero
Tambourine Hero
Diaper Change Hero
Table Saw Hero


However, I think that Barista Hero could be the best selling game of all time.

Kitchen Tools

I've noticed an increase, lately, in calling kitchen utensils tools. Is that so men will do more cooking? Guys will pretty much do anything if tools are involved. I bet that's it. If you stop calling them spatulas and begin calling them a flipper tool. Oh, and numbers are good. Guys will know that a #2 Phillips is. Perhaps we need a #1 #2 #3 rubber scrapper.

But what's next, a tool belt?

I'm sorry but an apron with a hook for a measuring cup is still an apron.

Being Struck

Being struck by epiphany hurts a lot less than being struck by lightning.

Twitter

I wonder if twitter would be more authentic if people put a bird on their desk and let it peck away at the keys for 140 characters of so.

Nemesis Needed

I’ve been thinking that I could use a good nemesis, and so I’ve decided to begin taking applications. I’ve been thinking about what might make for a good nemesis and have developed the following:

- A good nemesis will be one whose exploits I can counter without too much difficulty. Although foiling their plots should seem difficult at first, but eventually, and without much difficulty, they must be overcome. Therefore I will look like a hero and a true protagonist. If I can overcome them too easily that will do nothing to bolster my standing.

- A good nemesis will be a determined individual who, despite suffering many humiliating losses at my hand, will never go away. They must rise again to be defeated another day.

-A good nemesis should be funny and charming at the outset, but have a dark and sinister core that eventually shines through revealing his true villainous identity. Much like Jerry Seinfeld in his show. He was all sweet, charming, and funny, but he showed his true character in his interactions with Newman. We all know that Newman was the good guy in that story.

-Finally, a good nemesis will have his own nemesis. I don’t need to be someone’s nemesis. I don’t know that I have time for that. However, the successful applicant should have a nemesis of their own, so that they know what it feels like to have someone trying to make life difficult for them. Perhaps they would then go a little easier on me. Now, if from time to time I can unite my nemesis with his nemesis thus bringing them together in a common bond where they can direct their newfound common nemesisness on me. That would be okay, so long as I can still defeat them. That would make me look really good.

If you think you’re up for the challenge of being my nemesis please feel free to apply. Please send your resume and a list of references.

Cravings

Craving churros.

Neighbours

The mark of a good neighbour is in how late they use power tools outside. Sometimes being a good neighbour is as simple as not using power tools outside after 10:30pm

Pregnancy

Do you suppose that pregnancy was just called "preg" until a lady named Nancy got pregnant?


No?

Then why does Nancy get all the special recognition? Why not Pregphoebe, or Pregmeg, or Pregmary, or Preganne? I could go on and on. But I think I've made my point.

Humble Opinions

If your friends think you overuse the expression “In my humble opinion” then chances are your opinions aren’t that humble